From Surviving to Thriving….Reflections on a Year

From Surviving to Thriving….Reflections on a Year

They say that, time flies when you are having fun, that time changes things, that it heals all wounds, there are so many famous quotes and clichés that have been said over the course of history. Andy Warhol once said, “They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.” How true, though time does help, it is what we actually do during that time that changes things. When the twins were small, I remember thinking, “Just make it through the first 3 months, that’s all we’ve got to do, just make it through the first 3 months.” Then, “Okay, things are better now, let’s just make it through the first year.” Amazingly we did, we made it through the first year in what does not seem to have been a year at all. Where did the time go? When time once seemed to crawl along at a snail’s pace it has now flown by. I cannot believe that my precious babies are now a year old. There are things that I look back on with pure amazement, things that I learned along the way, and emotions that are so strong I cannot even comprehend. Ahhh, the joys so outweigh the trials, raising twins is wonderful!

I feel like we have made it! We survived that first year! We came home from the hospital with just our precious baby girl, Ella. Things did not seem to be that hard with her in those first few days. Yeah, we were tired but mostly just emotionally drained from being in the hospital for a week and not being with our precious baby boy. Elijah came home a few days later from the NICU; we were overjoyed when we were able to pick him up. We brought him home and it felt like we could finally begin placing our family together and figuring things out as a family. Life was hard, it was difficult, and sometimes we wondered what we were going to do. We laugh about one night in particular, though we certainly were not laughing at the time. We had the babies in their pack n play in our bedroom, (which we only did for about 3 weeks) and they just would not stop crying and go to sleep. We were both exhausted, mentally, physically, and oh so very frustrated. Clay said something out of frustration and my reply was, “I KNOW, AND THIS IS OUR LIFE!” I was so dramatic about it, but honestly, we did not know how we were going to handle it. If you ever watch Jon and Kate Plus 8, you know their tag line, “While the stress of raising multiples doesn’t always bring out the best in us, we’re a family, and this is our life.” Can I get an AMEN? I kept telling myself that if Kate Gosslin can handle her 8, then I can handle a five year old and twins, damn it! There were always people who would ask, “How do you do it?” Our answer was always the same, “You just do, you survive.” Looking back, I really can see that we were in survival mode. I cannot really remember what we did when they were 2 months old, but we survived. We all ate, we were all clothed, Evan made it to school and Clay to work. The babies ate much better than we did actually, since we spent about $600 a month on formula. See, it is things like that when I really do not know how we survived but we did. I look back and laugh at all of the well-meaning advice from everyone, everyone, being parents of singletons that is. LOL They would always say, “Sleep when they sleep.” That is just it, 2 one-month-old babies never slept at the same time in the beginning, so there were no naps for Mommy. It was the Mommies of multiples who had the advice, “Just Survive for right now, that’s all you have to do. It’s okay,” and “It does get better, I promise.” I can remember random strangers coming up to me in the store and telling me that it would get better. Was the exhaustion and in experience, written all over my face, did I really look that bad? No, I now realize that since they too were parents of multiples that they just got it. They understood the demands that I had one me, unlike many others. You see, we, parents of multiples, laugh all the time and say that raising one baby is a breeze.

There are some hard and true rules that I learned that I think can easily apply to every parent of multiples. Raising multiples involves a lot of trail and error. You have to accept the fact that things do not always go as planned and be willing to roll with it. That one took me a while. As a matter of fact, I think I am still working on that one. You do not need two of everything. You do need, of course, two car seats and two highchairs, but really that’s about it…well except Bumbo seats…you do need two Bumbo seats!!! A double stroller is a must! It is great when you need three sets of arms. I wish we would have requested only diapers and wipes on our baby shower invitations! In the beginning, we easily went through 20-25 diapers per day! In the beginning, I was a diaper snob. I would only use Pampers Sensitive. As they get older, you get over it and use Luvs. LOL Surf the internet and look for discounts and freebie offers for twins, we received many great coupons this way, especially from pampers. Be prepared for what we call, “Twin Swarm.” It happens every time you enter the store…any store! You are in a hurry and before you have even put three things in your buggy, you have already been stopped by eight little old ladies asking all sorts of questions. I wanted to tie a sign to the front of the shopping cart that listed their names, their ages, weights at birth, who was born first, etc. I also wanted my sign to say, “It is none of your business if how they were conceived and yes twins can be a boy and a girl and look nothing alike!” They are so sweet and it is nice, but come on, I am pushing a buggy with twins…do you not think I am in a hurry?!? Get the babies on a schedule ASAP and sleeping in their cribs. I mentioned that raising twins is a lot of trail and error. One of “errors” that we made was letting the babies nap in their swing or bouncy seat. I made the mistake of saying, “It’s okay, at least he/she is sleeping.” This made it very difficult to transition to their beds for naptime. I had to listen to some pitiful crying when I made the decision to get them on a better napping schedule. Create a bedtime routine and do not rush into their room with every cry or grunt. Give them time to self soothe…trust me on this one! Lastly and most importantly of all, laugh, do not forget to laugh! Laugh everyday! There is nothing sweeter than hearing them laugh at each other…as if they have an inside joke going on. Raising twins is a miracle in and of it’s self so enjoy it because before you know it, you will be writing about your first year.

In the beginning, it was rough and I freely admit it! I do not nor did I ever claim to be super mom and have it all under control. Alas, it did get better and with the passing of time came new milestones, which each seemed to be better and better. First, the nighttime colicy crying seemed to slow and then came more sleeping, and sleeping through the night. Then those first smiles and laughs. Then came sitting in the bumbos and sitting alone and being mesmerized by a world from a brand new perspective. Later came crawling, and entertaining themselves more, and now walking is on the horizon, for which I cannot wait! I know that with each stage comes a new set of issues and hurtles to cross but nonetheless, I feel like we have made it. No longer surviving, but thriving! The Hodges Five Thriving! Thank you Lord!!

There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared—twins. Josh Billings, 19th C. American Humorist