The Hodges Five

Well, it's time! It's time for me to pick myself up by my boot straps and get my act together. I knew that in order to do this, it would take me finally opening myself up to God. Finally, getting rid of unconfessed sin, finally letting Him have control of my life.When Clay first lost his job, I was so confident that God would see us through.

Then when His timing didn't match up to my timing, I checked out. I checked out all together. I checked out from bible study, from quiet time (and here's me being really transparent) even from prayer. I was telling my friend Becky about my struggles and the best way that I could describe it was like watching a movie that I really wasn't interested in. You know the ones in high school that you were forced to watch, and they were so old that the tape skipped?! (Can you imagine them rolling those big tv's into the classroom now? How funny is that?!) Anyway, whenever I would begin to pray or read anything biblical, even if it was some one's fb status, I would checkout! Just like I did in high school history. I would sometimes scan it but mostly not even do that.

I found myself searching for something, not even knowing what. Do I need more alone time with my husband? Do I need more alone time to just me? Do I need a break in life? Do I need to slow down my photography? Do I need to, the list goes on and on. And the stress built and built. When will we have money again? Will we pay our bills? Will my husband be okay due to the stress of life? Will my kids have everything that they need? Will my family be okay?

Then suddenly one day at school, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I needed God and I needed him now! But how, I'm not motivated for Him? I don't know why that I didn't have the motivation for Him. I couldn't put my finger on the why part, but it didn't really matter. What mattered is that something had to change! A book, a magic book, yeah, that's why I need! So I set my friend Trey Bailey The New Normal a text saying just that. I quickly got a text back recommending Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I had heard of it but that was it. I knew nothing about it. He said that it would "motivate" me to pursue God. So I did what any friend would do and asked if I could borrow his copy (knowing that I didn't need to send any money). He didn't have his copy so I thought, great I'll have to buy it. Trey sent me a text later that day, saying that 2 copies were being mailed to us from Amazon. Now that's a friend AND a blessing from God!

I opened the mailbox today after a crappy day to find a box with 2 copies of Crazy Love! I rushed inside, poured juice and snacks and turned on Dora so that I could begin reading. 26 pages in, the author sends me to his website to watch the video below. I can honestly say, only 26 pages in and a short youtube video and I'm feeling motivated!!




I must say, I'm sharing some pretty personal stuff of the blog here lately. I don't know if anyone even reads it anymore since I was so far between posts, but if so, I'd love to hear from you. Mainly, so I'll know who I'm pouring my heart out to, but also so you can keep me accounatble.Btw...I'm not proofreading for fear that I may change something and not truly speak my heart.