Parenting by Anna Quindlen

I came across this on another blog and just had to share it. We all know this...but sometimes we need reminding. Enjoy...it's a great read...one that will leave you teary eyed for your kids!


Parenting by Anna Quindlen
Anna Quindlen...Wikipedia

All my babies are gone now. I say this not in sorrow but in disbelief. I take great satisfaction in what I have today: three almost-adults, two taller than I am,one closing in fast. Three people who read the same books I do and have learned not to be afraid of disagreeing with me in their opinion of them, who sometimes tell vulgar jokes that make me laugh until I choke and cry, who need razor blades and shower gel and privacy, who want to keep their doors closed more than I like. Who, miraculously, go to the bathroom,zip up their jackets and move food from plate to mouth all by themselves. Like the trick soap I bought for the bathroom with a rubber ducky at its center, the baby is buried deep within each, barely discernible except through the unreliable haze of the past.

Everything in all the books I once poured over is finished for me now. Penelope Leach., T. Berry Brazelton., Dr. Spock. The ones on sibling rivalry and sleeping through the night and early-childhood education, have all grown obsolete. Along with Goodnight Moon and Where the Wild Things Are, they are battered, spotted, well used. But I suspect that if you flipped the pages dust would rise like memories.What those books taught me, finally, and what the women on the playground taught me, and the well-meaning relations -- what they taught me, was that they couldn't really teach me very much at all.

Raising children is presented at first as a true-false test, then becomes multiple choice, until finally, far along, you realize that it is an endless essay. No one knows anything. One child responds well to positive reinforcement, another can be managed only with astern voice and a timeout. One child is toilet trained at 3, his sibling at 2.

When my first child was born, parents were told to put baby to bed on his belly so that he would not choke on his own spit-up. By the time my last arrived, babies were put down on their backs because of research on sudden infant death syndrome. To a new parent this ever-shifting certainty is terrifying, and then soothing. Eventually you must learn to trust yourself.

Eventually the research will follow. I remember 15 years ago poring over one of Dr. Brazelton's wonderful books on child development, in which he describes three different sorts of infants: average, quiet, and active. I was looking for a sub-quiet codicil for an 18-month old who did not walk. Was there something wrong with his fat little legs? Was there something wrong with his tiny little mind? Was he developmentally delayed, physically challenged? Was I insane? Last year he went to China .. Next year he goes to college. He can talk just fine. He can walk, too.Every part of raising children is humbling, too.

Believe me, mistakes were made. They have all been enshrined in the, "Remember-When-Mom-Did..." Hall of Fame. The outbursts, the temper tantrums, the bad language, mine, not theirs. The times the baby fell off the bed. The times I arrived late for pre-school pickup. The nightmare sleepover. The horrible summer camp. The day when the youngest came barreling out of the classroom with a 98 on her geography test, and I responded, "What did you get wrong?" (She insisted I include that.) The time I ordered food at the McDonald's drive-through speaker and then drove away without picking it up from the window. (They all insisted I include that.) I did not allow them to watch the Simpsons for the first two seasons. What was I thinking?

But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them, sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night.

I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.

Even today I'm not sure what worked and what didn't, what was me and what was simply life. When they were very small, I suppose I thought someday they would become who they were because of what I'd done. Now I suspect they simply grew into their true selves because they demanded in a thousand ways that I back off and let them be. The books said to be relaxed and I was often tense, matter-of-fact and I was sometimes over the top. And look how it all turned out. I wound up with the three people I like best in the world, who have done more than anyone to excavate my essential humanity. That's what the books never told me. I was bound and determined to learn from the experts. It just took me a while to figure out who the experts were."

Golf Balls...

I received this email from my very special Mother-in-law. It's a great analogy to life.

The Mayonnaise Jar

When things in your life seem
Almost too much to handle,
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly,He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar And proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students,If the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls. He then asked The students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced Two cups of coffee from under the table And poured the entire contents Into the jar, effectively Filling the Empty space between the sand.The students laughed.'Now,' said the professor,

As the laughter subsided,'I want you to recognize that This jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things - God, family,children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions -Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter Like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else --The small stuff.'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued,'there is no room for The pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life. If you spend all your time And energy on the small stuff,You will never have room for The things that are Important to you. So...Pay attention to the things That are critical to your happiness.

Play with your children.Take time to get medical checkups.Take your partner out to dinner.There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.'

Take care of the golf balls first --The things that really matter.Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.The professor smiled.'I'm glad you asked'.It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,there's always room for A couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'

Aikwan

Things I learned in Georgia

I'm posting this especially for Mark Schatte. Some are funny and some just aren't true...for example...opening day of deer season isn't a state holiday, though I know many schools up north are out on that day...here in GA...we value education too much for that. lol


THINGS I LEARNED IN GEORGIA!
1. Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
2. There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 live in Georgia.
3. There are 10,000 types of spiders and all 10,000 live in Georgia plus a couple no one has seen before.
4. If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
5. Onced and Twiced ARE words.
6. It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.
7. People actually grow AND eat okra.
8. 'Fixinto' is one word.
9. There is no such thing as 'lunch?, there is only dinner and then supper.
10. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!
11. Backards and forwards means 'I know everything about you.'
12. You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
13. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.
14. You measure distance in minutes.
15. Sometimes you have to switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day.
16. 'Fix' is a verb. Example: 'I'm fixing to go to the store.'
17. All the festivals in Georgia are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
18. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
19. You know what a 'DAWG' is.
20. You carry jumper cables in your car, for your OWN car.
21. There are only four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.
22. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
23. The first day of deer season is a state holiday.
24. 100 degrees Fahrenheit is 'a little warm.'
25. There are four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.
26. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past time known as 'goin' Wal-Martin' or off to 'Wally World.'
27. A cool snap (below 70 degrees) is good pinto-bean weather.
28. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or pop . . . it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: 'What kinda coke you wont?'
29. Fried catfish is the other white meat. (Pork is 1st)
30. We don't need no stinkin? driver's ed . . . If our mama says we can drive, we can drive.

If you understand these jokes please forward them to your friends from Georgia (and those who just wish they were). EVERYONE can't be a Georgian; it takes talent. You might say it's an art form or a gift from God!