I know it's been a while since I've posted... but honestly...I haven't had it in me. The loss of my sister's twins has devastated me. The loss of life, the grief that she endures, the questions that her 4 year old will have...it's all just too much for anyone to bear. I'm having a really hard time accepting it and understanding why...yeah, yeah, I know...we're not supposed to ask why...BUT WHY??
I've got all of this baby stuff that I've been hanging on to and making piles of stuff to give to Carman and now what? What do I do with it? I've been cleaning out like crazy for Carman, it's like I've been nesting for her. I took the changing table out for her, I went through all of my old bibs and bottles and made a sack for her, I have an entire section in my attic just for her. Plus, our dear friends, Trey and Alonda (who have 10 month old twins) dropped off a ton of stuff last night that they had borrowed from us...so in my dining room now sits two bumbo chairs, two papasans, two boppy pillows, two sleep sacs, two fleece sleep sacs, blakets...etc., etc...TWO of everything.
I'm supposed to be giving it to my sister and yet I can't even look at it...it makes me sick... things that are supposed to bring me memories of joy instead brings me feelings of sorrow for my sister and her babies.
I remember the pain the emotional pain that hurt so badly it turned to physical emptiness in my chest when we left Evan in Russia...and yet that CAN'T COMPARE to what my sister is experiencing right now and that just kills me!!
I cry out...Oh God...WHY!!??
Glory Baby - Watermark
Here's the poem that I read at the funeral service....
The world may never notice
If a Snowdrop doesn't bloom,
Or even pause to wonder
If the petals fall too soon.
But every life that ever forms,
Or ever comes to be,
Touches the world in some small way
For all eternity.
The little ones that we
longed for are gone.
But the love that was then planted
Is a light that will always shine on.
And though the arms are empty, the heart know what to do.
For every beating of the heart are
whispers of we love you.
I don't think my sister ever reads my blog, but I hope she knows how much her sissy loves her.
5 comments:
Your entire family has been in my thoughts and prayers during this most difficult time in your lives.
What a sweet poem.....
We have been praying for you and the family throughout this difficult time. I cannot imagine the pain you are all feeling right now but I pray somehow in the midst of the sorrow, you find a peace that passes all understanding. May God bless you!
That poem is wonderful and how true... all the baby items around only have to be compounding the sadness... so sorry for you all! Thinking of you often
I'm so sorry to hear how badly this is weighing on you. I don't have the words or answers you long for, I know your own in our Heavenly Father will sustain you. I am praying for your family, and for your sister's family as well. I pray that God gives you the peace that only He can! All I do is remind you that others are thinking of you all, and praying for you as well!
Just stopping by to tell you we continue to pray for healing, strength, and wisdom...
Post a Comment